When God gives you an answer without giving an answer

I can be very indecisive. I can struggle sometimes with making decisions for fear that it’s not the right one.

With this, the big decisions in life can be extremely difficult for me, such as where to go to college, where to move after graduation, what job to look for, etc. I’ll see all options and perspectives and be unsure of what to do. We often don’t get a huge “sign” that tells us what to do or where to go, and sometimes we have to make a decision without knowing for sure if it’s the best one.

Currently, I’m in another stage of limbo as I finish out my internship for the summer in Chicago. We don’t know yet who will receive full time offers, so it’s quite the adventure. Senior year of college was full of uncertainties (as I call it, the “season of ambiguity”) and while it was challenging then, it’s also been challenging now that I’ve graduated – I think an aspect of that season may never be over. I wrote a blog post (read here) a month ago about when the questions in life outnumber the answers, describing how my current status is full of unknowns. If you’re in a similar situation, I hope it encourages you – you are not alone in that.

So, in order to try and “figure out God’s will”, I took a day last week to fast, pray and set aside time to think about my future. My main question: Do I stay in Chicago or not? I figured if I could at least start with this question, I’d make some progress in discerning what my life will look like after August. After this initial question, the rest of the details would come later.

As I began the day, I prayed I would have the right conversations and thoughts to make that decision. Long story short, by the end of the day, I had no “sign” and was just as confused and uncertain of what I should do or what would happen. At first, I was disappointed that God didn’t give me an answer. But, then I realized God gave me an answer after all.

“Cate, I am here. I am in Chicago. I am in Nashville. I am everywhere. You need not worry about where you go and simply know that I am with you.” 

I journaled that evening how I can trust that I am not limited to wherever I live, because God is with me through it all. And perhaps it will be up to me to decide on what I want to do because God’s with me no matter what. What a peace that gives to my soul.

“The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?” (Proverbs 20:24) This verse makes me laugh, mostly because it’s so true – we often don’t understand what God is doing. The more we accept that, the more peace we can have trusting in a greater plan.

And although I walked away from that day still confused and uncertain about my near future, I was filled with peace because of the truth that I am not alone.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

P.S. Since last week, God has already started to weave things together in a beautiful way – another post to come soon!