Life is hard. Especially in times when we have no idea what is next.
A few weeks ago, I was trying to decide about whether to stay in Chicago or not, regardless of what happened after my internship. Long story short, I had to book a few flights for some upcoming weddings and had to decide which airport to fly out of. My dad sent an email about a huge Southwest sale and after seeing how cheap the flights were, I knew I needed to act fast. So, I decided that I would take a step of faith and stay in Chicago.
I decided to stay in a city without knowing whether or not I will have a job or a place to live after the summer.
In regards to that step of faith, I feel more that I jumped.
Currently, I still do not know about the status of a full time offer or where I will live. While we should find out in the next few days, it is actually humorous to me that of how little I know of what is next.
It is easy to become overwhelmed, stressed, or worried about the things we don’t know in our life: where to go to school, what job to look for/take, where to live, who to date, when to get married, when to have a kid, how many kids to have, etc. I’ve come to realize that this “season of ambiguity” of my twenties may not really end. And that’s okay.
I will never fully understand what is going on in my life. My human mind cannot grasp how all the situations, trials, and blessings in my life will work into a beautiful story. But thankfully I can trust in something greater than myself — Someone greater than myself — who is writing that story.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
When we look at our lives and especially when unexpected situations arise, we often don’t see how it could work together for a greater purpose. We try to come up with reasons ourselves based on our own understanding of why things are happening.
- From my own understanding, my internship ended on Friday and I’m awaiting a phone call sometime this week to find out if I will be offered a full time position or not.
- From my own understanding, I am waiting to get the lease papers tomorrow from the apartment we found a few days ago so I have a place to move into in September (which is two days away).
- From my own understanding, it doesn’t make sense to commit to live in a city when I don’t officially have housing or an income.
And that is why I’m letting go of my own understanding.
I thought I was taking a leap of faith, so why does it seem like I’m falling? This makes me think of skydiving. While I haven’t jumped out of a plane (yet), I have seen pictures of my friends that have, and I was surprised at first to see that you jump with someone on your back. But now it provides a different image.
We are not alone when we jump out of a plane.
I may have taken a leap of faith in choosing to stay in Chicago without knowing the details, but I can be at peace knowing that God not only has my back, but that He is present with me as I continue to “fall”, providing me with a different perspective of the world that I wouldn’t normally see.
Even if all we focus on is that feeling of falling and we are still unable to see how things will work out, He is the one who is trained, He is the one to pull the parachute so that we will float down together – completely safe, in awe of the view, and filled with adrenaline from the adventure. He is the one who is continually with us as we go towards what’s next.
I may have taken a leap of faith, but I certainly did not jump alone.
Song: “I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the maker of heaven. I give it all to you God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me.” (Nothing I Hold Onto by United Pursuit)
The Beauty In Our Brokenness 
Leave a comment