When it seems like everyone is getting engaged

It’s a funny thing when you are in your twenties.

You have some friends who are committing to spend the rest of their lives together, and you also have some friends who are so far from committing to a serious relationship.

I went to 3 weddings in the span of 6 weeks this past Fall, and I have heard multiple times how “all my friends are getting married”. And while it feels like that sometimes (I watched another engagement in between those 3 weddings), it’s easy for me to start feeling like I’m behind or missing an important life step. Yet, I have to step back and remind myself that my story is not theirs. And that is a beautiful thing.

I have friends who met in middle school and dated long-distance for years before getting married. I have friends who met in college and are now engaged or married. I have friends who knew each other in both high school and college who recently got married. Watching those weddings and engagements happen were truly joyous because I was able to celebrate their love story.

But to be honest, watching engagements and weddings can also be very difficult for those of us who are not in serious relationships. While we can look at the engagement photos on Facebook and be genuinely happy for our friends, it is also easy to wonder when that will happen, or, even if that will happen for us. For those of us that are single, when you see yet another engagement, it’s another reminder how we are not at that place in our lives.

In reality, marriage is a season in life that does not have a standard start date or an expiration date. It’s not about who gets married first, or who gets married last. Weddings are about celebrating the marriages of your loved ones throughout your life, knowing they come at different times.

Some people are fortunate to meet that person early on in their life, but that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong because you are still single now.

To all my single friends, we have to remind each other that it is okay to not be married right now. You are not behind on an important life stage. There is nothing wrong with you.

While we shouldn’t be afraid of that commitment, we should also know that ultimately, getting married won’t fully satisfy our desire to feel loved. God calls us His beloved and no person can take away or add to our value. We simply are loved and it’s important for us to fully rest in that truth, especially in our singleness.

Currently, I am a single 23 year old and some days are great and some days are hard. I will be honest and say that it can be lonely and sad not having someone, but it is also empowering to learn so much about myself and truly be independent. It is also encouraging to see the amount of friendships I’ve been blessed with because I’ve had the time to invest in them. There is a lot of value in our singleness, and we need to remember that when we’re in that season.

One of my close friends, Allison (who actually got married in October), sent this to me back in May and I hope it encourages you as well: “Comparison is the thief of joy, God has different plans and different paths for each of His children, all of which are good. We just start out differently. Don’t spend too long on Facebook, it will seem like every time you get on someone is engaged, married, or having a baby. You will spend the majority of your life married with kids, don’t rush into it! Enjoy this time of possibility and singleness, pretty soon you will start to grow roots, but right now you are like a seed!”

Right now, my story is singleness. I don’t know how long I’ll be in this season but until that changes, I am striving to embrace it and be fully content in it. Your story right now may not be singleness. It may be confusion. Or it may be a recent ending to a relationship. Or it may be the start of something new.

Your story is not mine. And mine will not be yours. We need to celebrate and encourage each other in those various seasons instead of letting our comparison get the best of us.

It won’t always be easy, but when it seems like all your friends are getting married, remember that you have your own story. And that is beautiful too.