When your job offer gets rescinded

I was supposed to start a new job yesterday.

In November, I accepted a job as a graphic designer at a small marketing agency that works with nonprofit and social impact clients. I’ve been trying to move into a creative position for over 2 years, and it seemed as though I finally got my break (and for purpose-driven work, nonetheless!). For those that know me, you know how this job seemed like an ideal fit.

Everything seemed to be moving along. They ordered me my computer, they set up my company email and they even invited me to the holiday party.

Two weeks before Christmas, the company rescinded the offer. They never gave me a reason why, so I still don’t understand what happened. It was such a shock, especially based on the quality of our prior communication.

In a time of year that is supposed to be filled with joy, blessings and “Christmas miracles”, I was essentially grieving another job loss. Since this news, I have been going through cycles of sadness, anger, guilt for feeling that way, and then sadness all over again.

As people have been reflecting on 2017 and hopeful for 2018, I feel uncertain and overwhelmed by the lack of clarity I have for my life.

While I have never been more relieved to put a year in my past, I have never been so uncertain about the next year. 2018 is a big mystery for me. I do not know anything about my life, and all I can do is hold my hands open and be ready to step into anything God may bring my way.

There will be many aspects of our plans that change or get ruined. While it is good to look to the future and be intentional about our decisions, we have to remember that nothing is guaranteed. Relationships, jobs, dreams can all change in a matter of a second.

So, how do we make plans and still have hope? How do we hold onto hope in times where we can no longer see what lies ahead of us?

I am trying to figure out the answer to that myself. This isn’t a blog post sharing an answer; rather, it’s simply sharing that I’m in the mud, too.

I can dwell on my lack of understanding, or I can choose to trust God. Even though I do not know why He allowed this, I choose to believe He sees more than I do, and therefore He knows the rest of the story. He wasn’t surprised by this, and I can claim His promise that He will never leave me and that He is working all things together for my good and His glory.

When all I can see is uncertainty, He sees my future.

When all I can feel is loss, He gives me hope.

When all I can see is disappointment, He uses it for good. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.”

(Proverbs 3:5-6)