The year when I attended 16 weddings (part one)

Yes, that’s right. Sixteen.

When 2019 first began, I knew it was going to be a big year for weddings. As more friends got engaged and the save the dates arrived in the mail, the number rose to double digits.

It wasn’t long before people began to notice. Friends messaged me on Instagram and commented how I seemed to always be at a wedding. Coworkers watched me take off multiple Fridays so I could travel for weddings. It became the go-to topic of conversation for anyone and everyone in my life. I will always remember 2019 as the year of weddings.

Many people asked me to write about this experience, so I used Instagram to crowd-source questions. What most of you wanted to know boiled down to this:

• How did I manage the costs and logistics? (also phrased as, “how did you survive?”)
• How did it affect me emotionally?

I decided early on I would do whatever I could to make it possible to attend these weddings. That actually helped me when times were difficult because I would remember that I actively chose to say yes to these weddings.

Many of you reading are probably feeling stressed already, wanting to yell at your screen, “JUST SAY NO!” And I hear you. Believe me, I heard people all year asking me and/or telling me that I should say no.

And this is what I would say then and now: I learned that I highly value weddings. Whenever I receive a wedding invitation, I feel honored that this friend wants me to be there on one of their most important days of their life. I want to do what is in my power and control to be there.

There are certainly times to say no, and, I have said no to weddings before. As I’ve gotten older, however, I’ve realized that it only takes more intentionality to invest in and maintain relationships. Showing up on their wedding day is a great way to be intentional and remind that person I care about them and value their friendship.

You spend money on what you value, and I value showing up for my friends. Whether this is what you would do or not, here’s my story.

So, how do you possibly attend 16 weddings in one year? It comes down to the strategic use of:

• Time
• Transportation
• Gifts
• Budget

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The biggest resource used, even over finances, was my time.

The total roster of event invites included 16 weddings, 7 bridal showers, 7 bachelorette nights/weekends and 3 rehearsal dinners. With a total of 33 events, my calendar was blocked for at least a third of the year.

I still think it’s a miracle that none of the weddings overlapped. I had three sets of double-wedding weekends (it happened, keep reading), but none of the weddings were planned on the exact same day. 

To paint a picture of my whole year, here’s a breakdown of the months:

I’ll dive more into this in later, but especially during the Fall months, I felt my capacity stretched, and that was especially tied to my time and availability.

Now, for those double-wedding weekends. How did I manage to attend two weddings in the same weekend…THREE separate times?

1. May 25 and 26, Michigan + North Carolina: These dear friends both had longer engagements, so I knew about this and mentally prepared this one for awhile. I took a Greyhound bus to Grand Rapids, MI on Saturday morning, crashed in a hotel with my friend and took a 6am flight the next morning to Greensboro, NC so I could make the second wedding that evening).
2. September 20 and 21, both in Virginia: You can see why I made this one work. By the grace of God, these two friends happened to plan their weddings a day apart (one on Friday night and one on Saturday night) and I was able to drive to both using my parent’s car. Easy, right?
3. October 25 and 26, Illinois + Tennessee: The first one was in the city of Chicago (where I live), so that was simple. I flew out on an early flight to Nashville to make the second wedding on Saturday evening. My flight back was actually straight to a work trip in California (talk about a long week), but I ended up only having to pay for one flight (cost savings!)

Obviously, I had to consider how my time was spent. Throughout the year, I traveled to a total of 6 states and 16 cities. So, how did I make all of the travel work? I sacrificed sleep, comfort and, at times, my own sanity.

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I’m sure many of you reading will also have to figure out the travel for out-of-town weddings, so, let’s talk about transportation.

To start, here’s a breakdown of my travel:

• 18 flights
• 8.5 roundtrip car rides
• 2 Greyhound buses
• 1 Amtrak train

Of the 16 weddings, three were in the Chicagoland area, which meant easier travel. Five others were in the Midwest, which meant carpooling or taking a bus or train, which lowered the cost. The other half were located in other states (Virginia, North Carolina and Tennessee), which still involved eight weddings that needed flights.

I am known for finding cheap flights, which especially for this year, worked greatly in my favor. For some of the weddings, I watched for deals and booked flights months in advance (thanks Southwest). The thing about cheap flights, though, is that they are usually at inconvenient times (especially those beloved 5 or 6am flights).

Before summer, I strategically signed up for a credit card to use for my work expenses. A couple of projects and expense reports later, I was awarded 60,000 travel points. That credit card enabled me to book multiple roundtrip flights on points alone (thanks again, Southwest). Here’s a tip: If you know you have a lot of upcoming personal travel, I would recommend looking into a travel credit card – the rewards were 100% worth it.

You already read about how I made the double-wedding weekends work, which ironically enough, sometimes ended up saving me money. For example, my roundtrip flight to BWI was $170 and helped me attend two weddings for the price of one.

In the midst of all of that, here are some small decisions I made throughout the year that I hope you can apply to your own travels and wedding planning:

• I always took public transit to the airport (Chicago friends, that meant spending $2.50 instead of the $25-40 to the airport). Those savings add up.
• I would watch for flight deals and keep trackers for specific dates (Google Flights, Hopper and specific airline deal emails are my friends).
• I almost always chose the cheapest flight, which typically meant early morning wake up calls.
• If not on Southwest, I flew on Basic Economy and wouldn’t pay to check a bag.
• For almost all of the weddings, I stayed with friends or family for free lodging (thankfully, most weddings were located in cities I knew people). 
• For the few weddings where that wasn’t an option, I stayed in a hotel room or Airbnb with friends, which brought the cost down.
• I packed RX Bars and fruit to avoid buying meals in the airport. A small but easy cost-saver!

Traveling itself is a luxury and those tactics made it possible on a budget. I might have scheduled flights at random times, relied on public transportation and only slept for a couple of hours some nights, but it helped me be present for my friends on their wedding day. And I still don’t regret it.

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With all that travel for wedding-related events, I’ll quickly bring up gifts.

A common question I received was, “did you buy a gift for every wedding?” The answer is yes. Even for some of the showers and bachelorettes I couldn’t travel for, I tried to always send a gift. 

Now, before you start thinking too well of me, you have to know that I kept my budget to around $20-25 for each wedding (except for those that I was in the bridal party). While I wish I had more resources to purchase nicer gifts, I had to look at my budget and accept I would buy the small, simple gifts on the registry.

I personally would rather make the financial investment to attend the wedding and give a small gift; however, I had to accept the discomfort of knowing I couldn’t offer much. I had to put to practice the belief that my relationship goes deeper than the price of the present I can give. I wish I could’ve given more, but I had to be realistic with my situation.

It’s not every year you have 16 weddings.

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This leads me to end with the most common question of, “how much did this cost?”

With the majority of these weddings being out of town, I knew I would have to budget accordingly. In February, as I began to feel stressed, my roommate encouraged me to write down the expected costs for every event so I could prepare to know what all of these events would cost me. 

Even though part of me wanted to live in denial, I knew she was right. I created a tracker on Google Sheets and started documenting estimated costs for every event, including travel, gifts, lodging and other factors of the weekends. Throughout the year, I used that tracker religiously to track (and color code) line items as they were finalized.

At first, I was hoping I could show up to every bachelorette weekend and bridal shower. I wanted to, but very quickly, I looked at the financial implications of each trip/event and realized I had to make some tough decisions. 

Sometimes it meant missing a day or two to cut overall costs. Sometimes it was not buying drinks or a full meal to budget the cost of the weekend. Sometimes, it was saying no entirely. 

I had to practice saying no and acknowledge what I needed, which was a growth experience for me. However, I did the best with what I had, and I made it work.

We all know that weddings are expensive. You have already read about the ways I tried to keep costs low for travel and lodging when I was by myself. I am grateful for other times when I could travel with friends to help keep some of the costs low. And it made the traveling more fun!

Many of you also asked about attire. I did wear a different dress to each wedding (come on, the photos) but overall, I was low maintenance with what I wore. I would wear a dress that I wore at one bridal shower to a different friend’s wedding, and vice versa. Besides bridesmaid dresses, I mostly wore dresses I already owned.

However, due to the quantity of events, I did end up buying some new dresses, so I bought a few on Amazon and TJ Maxx (but would spend $15-45). I am pretty sure I wore the same pair of shoes for every wedding.

All in all, for 16 weddings…including travel, gifts, lodging, dresses and additional costs, I spent just under $4,000.

I recognize that is a lot of money to drop in one year. But for 16 weddings, I am actually very proud that my average cost per wedding was $241 (when the industry claims another statistic).

I’m not sure what you were expecting, but I hope that gives you the confidence that you can battle against the wedding industry and win. Yes, weddings are expensive, but there are many creative and intentional ways to lower costs. 

It takes a lot of effort, intentionality and sacrifice. But, it is possible. I hope me sharing the logistics of how I attended 16 weddings provides you with a glimpse into my year and how I made it possible for me. And hopefully it can help you show up for your friends, too.

It wasn’t easy, but it was 100% worth every early morning alarm, unfortunate travel moment and registry purchase.

(Continue reading in part two where I share more about the discomfort of my own limitations, the emotions of being single at 16 weddings and more!)